FEAR OF THE LORD

Jesus said, “Fear not.”

Yet we are told to fear the Lord.

A contradiction? Let’s see.

“Fear” can have different meanings. Jesus commands us to “fear not”. This kind of fear refers to the fact that we need to live believing the Lord is in control. If I believe that in that fact, (see my blog “Like a Little Child”) then I have no reason to fear the outcome of any given situation, no matter how impossible or out-of-control it may seem.

What then does “fear the Lord” mean?

I picture a cliff, maybe those white cliffs of Dover that I’ve often seen in pictures. Tall and sheer, the face goes straight down to the rocks with wild, crashing surf below. Is there a path along the edge of those cliffs? I imagine there is. If I were there, walking that path, would I be afraid? No, not in a trembling, don’t-look-down kind of way. But I would be afraid in that I would have a healthy respect for the fact that were I to walk too close to the edge, or get silly and not pay attention to where I was placing my feet, or if I was to close my eyes and step out blindly, then I’d be flaunting the fact that this is a place where life-and-death danger exists. This display of natural beauty and grandeur is also unforgiving in it’s potential to do harm. The cliff may be spectacular, but at the same time the law of gravity must be fulfilled. If I get too close to the edge, gravity will prevail.

In the same way, God, in His perfection, is a just God. If I behave in a frivolous manner, if I flaunt His commands, or flirt with evil, as loving as God is, justice must be fulfilled. If I get too far from Him, justice will prevail and I’ll be forced to face the consequences of my behavior. This kind of fear is respectful, reverential. God’s character is equally loving and just. Knowing that means I behave accordingly.

Still, can I come to Him anytime, with anything? Can I walk His path with confidence? Of course. As long as I am humble, thankful, and honor who God is, then there is no need for knee-knocking fear. He sent His son for just such occasions!

To Be Honest...

Do you ever find yourself censoring what you were going to say to the Lord, what you were going to pray about?

I have, more often than I’d like to admit.

Why? Because I know what He’s going to lay on my heart.

I know that my motivation is wrong.
I know that my action was wrong.
I know that what I want to do isn’t supported by scripture.
I know that He’ll require I do something that feels too hard.
I know ...
I know ...
I know ...

When I KNOW these things, I don’t want to put them into words because I’m ashamed of my old-nature self, and I’m ashamed that I don’t want to address it. Remember Adam and Eve in the garden after they ate of the fruit of the Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil? Now they were aware of their nakedness and they were hiding from the Lord. That’s exactly how I feel. In the Spirit-filled part of my heart I am aware of what I’m doing wrong, and I feel naked, ashamed.

But for some reason I hang onto the wrong, usually finding ways to justify it!

So here I am in my angst-filled quandary.

I KNOW that in this instance I’m not right in the Lord’s eyes. But...

I DON’T want to admit it, yet.
I DON’T want to confess.
I DON’T want to have to repent.
Why? Because then I have to stop doing what I’m doing.

And that attacks my pride.

PRIDE! Boy-o-boy, it’s hard to admit to being wrong. It’s hard to admit it to others, but for me I even find it hard to admit some things to Jesus.

Other things, not a problem. A little burst of temper when someone cuts me off on the road? “Sorry, Lord. Forgive my angry words.” An unexpected critical judgment of another? “Forgive me Lord. Let me see him through Your eyes.” And I mean those prayers. I am contrite.

But I’ve found the times when it’s hard to admit my wrong behavior are when I've been indulging in it for awhile, when I’ve been nursing that particular mind-set, justifying my point of view, building a case for my hard-done-by self.

THAT’S when it’s hard to let go.

And I think I know why. Once I give in to the initial temptation to feel like a victim, or self-righteous, or prideful, I give the devil a toe-hold.

Jesus said, “Lead me not into temptation, but deliver me from evil”

I wish Jesus had added “IMMEDIATELY!!!!

When I’m faced with temptation I need to run NOW!
I can’t entertain the negative.
I can't indulge in my hurt feelings.
I can’t explore how the other person is in the wrong.
I can’t let sin catch hold.

Because once it does, pride comes roaring in to justify that sin. Now I have double the problem. Not only am I entertaining wrong thoughts, but my pride is protecting and encouraging those thoughts. (Sounds a bit like that serpent in the garden, doesn't it.)

It’s really hard to swallow the pride that rears up to cover that initial sin, and really hard to honestly repent from it once it’s taken hold like that.

So when I say to myself and to the Lord during prayer time, “To be honest...” I know I’m facing something that I’m vulnerable to.
Maybe it came from my past, and I haven’t taken it to the Lord to deal with it thoroughly.
Maybe it’s new, something in the present that I’m encountering for the first time.
Either way, if I don’t face it and allow the Lord to help me work through it, I can be sure it will be a temptation again in the future.

So I need to be aware, truthful, right-minded with myself and with my Jesus. I need to ask the Lord’s help so that I’ll be incorruptible each and every time this temptation comes on me.

And to be honest, while it's not easy, it’s way easier early on, when it’s just a little thought, the introduction of a temptation.

It’s SO much harder later on down the road, once it’s taken hold!

As Jesus Himself pointed out: “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.” Matthew 7:5

SACRIFICE OF PRAISE

Hebrews 13:15-16 Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased.

What exactly is the sacrifice of praise?

I pulled up the dictionary so I could try to break it down:

Defn:
The dictionary notes it as an offering to God, or to a divine or supernatural figure.
Sacrifice - verb: action of surrendering or giving up something important or valued for the sake of other considerations, of something else regarded as more important or worthy (as in giving up principles, or giving up power)
Sacrifice - noun: (votive) offering, gift, oblation (the thing being given up or surrendered)

Praise, then is the gift, the offering I am presenting to my Lord. But the implication is that in doing so I am giving up something valued, letting go of something I would normally want to keep.

What do I let go of, what do I sacrifice when I spend time Praising God?
Time - yes, time for one; a surrendering of time I might otherwise spend... watching TV, reading a book, talking with someone about nothing in particular. Such activities can be mind-numbing, empty. They fill time where my mind could be occupied with thoughts about things of God.

Thoughts - are my thoughts of value to me? Do I consider them important? Well, when I think of how long I can rant away in my head about someone who’s annoyed me, or how I can worry a situation from every direction possible and make no progress, or how I can fantasize about something that isn’t likely to happen, or that wouldn’t be in God’s will... When I’m having such thoughts they really do seem important. But all of them are disobedient to the Word of God. Such thoughts are judgmental, critical, anxious, distressing, and ultimately unproductive.

Negativity - When I’m praising God I have to give up all those natural negative thoughts and feelings that my brain grabs onto so easily, so naturally.

Why is it that...

I can notice and think a critical thought about someone without any effort,
but I have to consciously make myself look for something positive?

I can, without a moment’s notice, plunge into anxious thoughts of what if.., how will i..., who’s going to... , how will the need be filled..., what are they thinking of me... .
But I have to consciously make myself put aside the worries and remember all that God has done for me in the past, reminding myself that He promises to be faithful and continue the good work that He’s begun in me. (Philippians 1:6).

Is this what Paul’s talking about in Ephesians 4:20-23?
That, however, is not the way of life you learned when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds.

It seems he’s saying that the old self still exists, is being corrupted ongoing. He almost talks about it as if it’s an old, comfy coat that we have to keep taking off. Something happens and that coat automatically falls on our shoulders. We have to throw it off in accordance with the truth about Jesus, in the understanding that we can choose the attitude in our minds.

Why we can’t just get rid of it once and for all, I don’t know. But I’m here to say that it’s a fact. That coat exists and it’s always hovering, waiting to plop onto my shoulders at a moment’s notice. But do I have to wear it when it lands on me? Paul says no.

Sacrifice - I’m abandoning my comfy, cozy coat that fits so well, that I’m so used to. I’m replacing it with something that feels stiff, unnatural, abnormal... exceptional.

EXCEPTIONAL! Yes, that’s a better way to look at it. I’m turning away from the ordinary and seeking to grow exceptional thoughts in my mind. No wonder it’s hard. I’m not exceptional in any way.

Ah, yes. Not in any way but one. I have Jesus Christ inside me. Because of that I am made exceptional.

And so in honor of His Spirit,
I WILL make ongoing effort to take every thought captive.
I WILL sacrifice those ordinary, mediocre, useless and often detrimental thoughts.
I WILL replace them with praise and thanksgiving, with exceptional thoughts that will offer appropriate respect and admiration for the one Who died to save me.
I WILL sacrifice what my old self considers to be of worth so I can honor my new self, which is Christ in me.

And I guess it’s going to have to be an ongoing decision, one to be made hour by hour, day by day, for the rest of my God-given time in this life.

Difficult? Yes, sometimes it is. Worth it? For my Jesus, absolutely!

THE APOSTLE PAUL - ARROGANT OR HUMAN?

I remember sitting in a Bible study once, many years ago, and as we dissected one of Paul’s letters to the churches, a woman commented, “Paul sure is arrogant!”

I’ve been re-reading his letters this past month. In some of the passages, that comment came back to me and I asked the Lord for understanding. Was Paul arrogant? Paul tells the people to remember how he behaved when he was with them. He says they are to copy his behavior because what he does is right and beyond reproach. He says he sets the right example for them, so all they have to do is follow it and they’ll be acceptable as Christians.

Wow, that does sound arrogant! During this read through, though, when I came across verses that made Paul sound pompous and full of himself, the Lord brought to my mind an important fact. In 2 Corinthians 12:4 Paul says that 14 years ago, he “was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell.” (See the full passage below.)

Paul experienced paradise! Paul points out that he didn’t know if he actually went in the body or out of the body, but in any case, Paul experienced paradise first hand, and it changed him! Besides Jesus, Paul is the only human I know of in scripture who experienced heaven and came back retaining the memory, to live in this life again. Does that give him credibility that others don’t have? I thought about someone who’s fought in a war. Do we give more weight to their words on a war-related topic? What about a missionary who has spent years surviving in a hostile land with only the Lord as an ally. Do we trust that they have intimate knowledge of the Lord born of their experience? And so we have Paul. Was he arrogant? Or was he changed so dramatically after that event that he knew without a doubt that the example he set was true to what the Lord expected it to be?

Analogy: A beginning piano student is learning to play “Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.” The piano teacher demonstrates and says, “Watch. Hold your hands like this. Do it exactly this way.” The student doesn’t question the instruction. The piano teacher has experience way beyond that of the student.

When we want to learn something we don’t know, we are wise to seek out someone with exceptional experience and credentials! We look for one who has certificates of accomplishment posted on their wall. The instructor isn’t arrogant. The instructor is confident in his knowledge of the material he has to teach, and we can be confident in following that teaching.

Paul was a teacher. Was he accredited? I’m thinking back to the book of Acts. There are several descriptions where Paul carried out healings and even brought the dead back to life. Yes, the Lord accredited Paul by giving him the power to perform miracles for a time.

So. Paul, an apostle of Jesus Christ - experienced teacher in his field, with excellent credentials directly from the Lord. Not arrogant, just highly qualified.

But Paul was human as well.

When Paul was in prison, he wrote two letters to his young friend and disciple, Timothy. This week I was especially touched by Paul’s salutation at the end of 2 Timothy.

Here is a man in prison for no just reason. He’s been there for a long time. It doesn’t appear he will get out. In other letters he’s written from prison he’s described great successes for the Lord, witnessing and bringing many to know the gospel message. But this time he sounds discouraged. Demas has deserted him and gone to Thessolonica because Demas “loved the world”. Cresens had gone to Galatia, Titus to Dalmatia. Only Luke is left there with him (2 Tim. 4:10-11). Three of his four supporters are gone. To someone in prison, that’s got to be significant.

In this letter I see the only instance in which Paul appears to place value on material things. Paul writes to Timothy to, “bring my cloak and my scrolls, especially my parchments” (2 Tim. 4:13). Does that sound human? It sure does to me. If people deserted me, I too would turn to a cozy blanket and some well loved books to find comfort.

Paul says that Alexander did him a great deal of harm (2 Tim. 4:14). That tells me he’s thinking about those who hurt him, who have made this period in his life so difficult - a very human response. But then Paul takes that thought captive and gives it to the Lord when he says, “the Lord will repay him for what he has done.” That’s an appropriate response for one strong in Christ. Paul also warns Timothy to guard against this man, Alexander, so he’s sharing this information for a good reason. Paul isn’t just gossiping. Even in prison, even in this difficult time, Paul is setting a right example.

When I read 2 Tim. 4:16 the words seem to cry out with discouragement. When Paul was taken for trial and needed people to defend him, he says “no one came to my support, but everyone deserted me.” How devastating that must have been. Paul could easily dwell on that more, but again he takes the situation captive and immediately follows it with, “May it not be held against them.” Even in his struggle, he’s demonstrating how Timothy and the rest of us should respond when we are hurt, betrayed, and abandoned. Paul prays for his betrayers.

Paul goes on to encourage himself, Timothy, and all of us as he teaches once more how to overcome, how to remain steadfast and faithful in the face of trials and tribulations. Like David, when he was running from King Saul, Paul forces his hurting heart to first share his pain, and then to turn to the one who can and will strengthen him, the one who has all the power to save him and comfort him, not FROM his suffering, but IN his suffering.

“But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it. And I was delivered from the lion’s mouth. The Lord will rescue me from every evil attack and will bring me safely to his heavenly kingdom. To him be glory for ever and ever. Amen.” (2 Tim. 4:17-18)

No, I don’t think Paul was arrogant. He was simply like that piano teacher. Paul’s experience and knowledge increased beyond our understanding when he was taken to heaven. He knew things he couldn’t even express. As well, Paul had been living as a Christian for many years by now, way longer than most. He had walked with the Lord through severe trials, through great successes, through confusion and adversity. All of this practice, if you will, made him the equivalent of a concert pianist when it came to having confidence in what he was teaching, and in his ability to demonstrate it accurately.

Hmmmm..... As a little aside, speaking of musicians, I’m reading a book right now about Auschwitz.. I’m reminded of stories that tell of Jews who had been musicians in the world before the war. There in the concentration camp they were periodically assigned to entertain the guards and officers. Musicians, starved and cruelly abused the rest of the time, were brought together to bring pleasure to their persecutors. These men were not diminished because of their suffering. The stories say that even in such a terrible circumstance, they took joy in creating music. Their gift allowed them to be thankful, in the midst of their suffering, and in the face of their persecutors. Maybe that’s what it was like for Paul.

2 Corinthians 12:1-10
1 I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2 I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3 And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4 was caught up to paradise and heard inexpressible things, things that no one is permitted to tell. 5 I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6 Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say, 7 or because of these surpassingly great revelations. Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8 Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

IF GOD IS GOOD, THEN EVERYONE GETS TO HEAVEN!

How many times have I heard the argument that if God is a God of love, then everyone should be able to get to heaven. Especially if it’s someone they know and love, and if that person is a ‘good person’.

I was muddling on that one recently and a few scenarios came to mind…

A man is applying to the RCMP. He passed the aptitude tests. He passed the interview. Now he is being required to submit to a lengthy assessment – some call it Deviant Testing – to assess his suitability. Is that reasonable? I think we all agree that we don’t want just anybody wearing that uniform! Restricting who can be an RCMP officer is critical given the authority such a person has, and the expectations and trust our citizens place in the RCMP.

People from other countries often seek refugee status to be allowed to come into and live in our country. The immigration department screens their stories, looks into their history, checks on past behavior to see if they are safe and productive, or if their presence would drain our resources, or put our communities at risk. If so, they can’t come.

Couples decide they want to adopt a child. The assessment of criminal and child protection history checks, the many hours of interviews and home study assessments take months before it is decided if they are suitable to take another person’s child and raise it as their own. Again, given the vulnerability of a little one, we consider this a reasonable expectation.

But what of heaven? We look forward to it as the perfect place, where there is peace, goodness, joy… ‘No tears in heaven’! Why then do so many think everyone who appears to be good and kind should be able to go there without any criteria other than the fact that those who love them think they deserve it? How often have people I love gotten into serious trouble, or done terrible things I didn’t know they were capable of? Maybe I’m not such a great judge of character.

Even so, people still think that the God of the Bible who screens entrance into heaven is an unreasonable, judgmental, critical God.

But hold on just a minute! How much more reasonable is He? Our RCMP, our Immigration, our Child Welfare system all say that, based on who your life has created you to be, we have the right to reject you on the basis that you aren’t suitable for a particular position. We say this based on our historical knowledge of how badly things can go for all concerned when a person is allowed access to places or people who doesn’t have the moral character to live up to the expectations of the position.

God is so much better than that, though! God says He won’t reject us based on our history, based on our weaknesses. Instead, He says He’ll put the Holy Spirit in the heart of any applicant, any refugee, any person with a past, no matter how terrible. All that person has to do is ask for it, and He’ll “fit us for heaven to live with Him there”!

How amazing is that!

MISSIONS: GOD-GIVEN VISAS

There’s a passage in Matthew that I used avoid, and felt very guilty about it because they were Jesus’ words!

Matthew 28:18-20: 18Then Jesus came to them and said, "All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. 19Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, 20and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age."

The church refers to this as “The Great Commission”, and it annoyed me to no end. (No, it’s okay. Lightning didn’t just strike me, so I’ll continue with my thoughts.)

Actually, the Lord and I have gone around on this discussion many times. What He showed me was that it was not the commission, but man’s spin on the commission that I was having trouble with. I despised sermons that pressured me to go and talk to my friends and neighbors about the Lord. As a youth I’d been ‘evangelized’ by people who were clearly disgusted with my lifestyle and I was repelled by their obvious repulsion of me. I sure wasn’t going to go and do the same now.

Such sermons left me hollering (silently, of course), “Quit making me feel guilty for not leading people to Christ. That’s His job, not mine!!!!”

Over the years, though, as my conversations with Jesus about evangelizing and missions ministries continued, He has shown me many things that allow me to feel I am capable of obeying the commission Jesus gave to His disciples, and therefore to all believers. The key is to look at missions through the Lord’s eyes and realize how differently He defines them, according to His knowledge of the ‘missionary’. (That would be me… and you!)

I have friends who felt called by the Lord to enter the mission field in the Far East. They were there openly as missionaries, and were funded by churches and their mission society. They taught and preached. They planted churches and shared the gospel message with many of God’s children. They lived the life we typically think of when we consider missions, and they lived that life wonderfully well.

Their daughter and her husband are also missionaries. However, the picture is a little different for them. They are in a closed country where Christians are not welcome. As such, they can’t obtain visas to be there unless they are working at a government approved job. So, while they are subsidized by the mission society, they also work and live ordinary lives in the same manner as the citizens of that country. They cannot openly evangelize as their parents did or they would be deported, or even arrested. Instead, they live their faith out loud. Bit by bit friends and neighbors who get to know them see a difference in them. Some ask about that difference. And as God leads, some embrace that difference, finding their own relationship with Jesus.

Another friend has a husband in the military. They move around a lot. Recently they were posted to a city in Eastern Canada. The lady asked the Lord how she could serve Him in this new city. In her heart she had always dreamed of attending a church nearby, one she could walk to. Lo and behold there was a church just down the block from the home they found, but it is one that teaches only partial truth. The denomination picks and chooses what suits them from the Bible and bases their faith on this. The lady prayed and asked the Lord for discernment. In answer to that prayer, she and her husband felt strongly that they should attend this church. So, in a unique twist of the definition of a mission field, she remains in her own community, but the Lord has commissioned her to proclaim the full truth of God’s word. She loves the people, and they need to learn about the Gospel just as much as those in East Asia do!

My pastor has just been given a visa to a very different, but disturbingly common mission field. In fact, he and his wife were preparing for a short mission trip to Central America when God turned them in this unexpected direction – a mission field just as much in need of the Hope of Jesus Christ as the field they had planned to visit. A few months ago Pastor discovered a growth in his body. Diagnosed with cancer, he and his wife will now enter a mission field steeped with fear, anger, pain, disfigurement, hopelessness… all under the heading of “cancer treatment”. Now they have a choice. Do they join in the accepted and expected mindset of those members of this small stratum of society? No one could fault them if they did. That doesn’t seem to be the case though. From what I see, they are looking at this as a visa to a mission field that is closed to most. Unless you’re a card carrying member, so to speak, you can’t witness to this group with any credibility. It seems that the Lord has opened the door so they can enter in and live out loud His love, His peace, His grace, His hope as they encounter staff, patients, family, friends…

So having cancer is opening a door to this ‘mission field’. Now, all of this is wonderfully noble and righteous. But what of our pastor and his wife? Is it not unfair that after decades of faithful service God is allowing this terrible disease to mar their lives? Should we not pray for and expect miraculous healing? Many people love this couple and will pray that way, I’m sure. And maybe God will respond, as He has in other lives. However, if Pastor is healed miraculously, I wonder how quickly people will forget? How would that help the unbelievers at the Cancer Clinic? We all know that only those who have personal experience of a situation are considered credible. Well meaning people teach and preach, but only one who has walked in those shoes will be considered plausible. If Pastor were to be miraculously healed, who would go to the clinic day after day to share God’s love in the waiting room? Many family members go with their loved one. Who will relate to the unique struggle of helplessness they’re experiencing if Pastor’s wife isn’t there? Yes, this is definitely a mission field.

But there is still one question that begs to be raised. Will Pastor’s life be ended as a result of this circumstance? In my mind, that question isn’t a contributing part to the equation. Philippians 1:6 promises His believers that we can be… “confident of this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.” Jesus will not stop working with Pastor and his wife until His good work has been completed. A physical growth cannot hinder God from honoring His promise. He’s much bigger than that!

So, I am learning that when things appear, in my worldly view, to go sideways, perhaps it is the Lord sending us into a new mission field. We may suffer culture shock, especially at first! But with His help, we’ll be able to settle in and allow Him to work through us. May God’s name be praised as He spreads His gospel message of Hope in His unique and creative ways! And may I have the wisdom and grace to recognize the opportunities He might be giving me, instead of trying to pray them away.

How can God Allow Suffering?

A story came around through the internet saying that in Haiti, as in all places where natural disasters strike, one of the horrible outcomes is that young girls, and boys as well are exploited as a result. They sell themselves for food or water or shelter, or are sold by others for those same commodities. A friend e-mailed, ”For the young girls in Haiti, where is God?”

It’s a fair question. It’s much easier to believe in a God of love and fairness and forgiveness and joy when we don't have to know about the horrors man inflicts on his fellow human beings. I guess each of us has to come to an understanding of this individually, and for me that understanding required two steps. First, I started praying daily and became serious about not trying to protect God from my thoughts. Second, I finally began asking His opinion after I’d shared those thoughts.

Through my Lord’s teaching, this is what I’ve come to understand. Others may see things differently, but here's my piece.

Back in the beginning God’s Word says that He made a choice. While He has the power to stop or change anything going on in the universe, it was His decision to give man dominion over His creation. I think that means that how we handle this power is extremely important. While it is a privilege from the Lord, we are in a position to make it our right. Everyone - from a disobedient servant girl in Abraham's day to a relief worker in Haiti who reportedly bought a young girl for his pleasure - will answer for what we've done and not done. God's word says that clearly, so it's important that we understand it, and respond accordingly when we make our decisions in handling His creation - from the soil all the way to the people.

So that was my first understanding. God set it up so that we're in charge of our actions and the consequences of them. He does not promise to step in and stop the horrors man perpetrates on his fellow human beings. What He does promise is that He will heal us from the consequences if we allow it. More on that in a moment.

My next understanding came from something He taught me when I was reading in the book of Job. I was right ticked when I read that story and I prayed, "Lord, how could You wipe out all of Job’s children and their families and servants just to make a point? If this is true, then You're a cruel God!" and He said, in answer to that prayer, "Wipe them out? I didn't erase them. I brought them Home." That answer stunned me. I never truly realized that this life is the temporary one - like serving a rotation in the navy, or spending a few years in the mission field. After I’ve done my time here, then the real living begins in the next life, the tangible, enduring one. After understanding that about the story of Job I had to read scripture very differently, remembering what God’s end goal is, and that this life is not the be-all-end-all. It's only the means to the everlasting life.

Means to everlasting life... Once I grasped that, I began to see this life as being very similar to our school system. In many countries around the world, everyone has access to free schooling. There is no cost to us. All you have to do is show up at the door and walk in. Some folk never attend. Some start and move forward for a few years, and then get comfortable at a particular grade and keep living according to what they learned at that level. I think that’s perfectly fine with the Lord. God will nudge them if He so chooses, but they may be serving Him exactly as His will dictates, so that’s fine for those students of the Lord. Some choose to finish a grade and then enroll in the next, and the next, and the next. By definition of learning, each grade is more difficult and entails more challenges and work, more insecurity and unsureness, but eventually deeper understanding and greater skill. (And, as it says in James, greater responsibility!) I believe that in the same way our level of education has an impact on how we live our adult lives in this life, all the learning and field practice we carry out here will have an impact on what our experience will be in eternity. With that in mind, I tend to treat fellow believers as students, and that makes it very easy to not judge their learning experience because I’m well aware that everyone learns at different rates, in different ways, and all of it is valuable.

Back to God. Scripture says that His goal for His human creation is that He wants all to come to Him. Jesus said it doesn't matter what our fellow humans do to us, and it doesn't matter what we've done in the past. Ultimately He wants us to be in heaven with Him. That's why I believe that death row conversions are possible. That's why I believe that the 13 yr old girl in Haiti being bought for a piece of bread can be told in truth that her horror is man-made, and that she has the power to turn to Jesus who can provide healing and spiritual rescue. And as hard as it is to say, I also believe that the man who bought her can be saved and forgiven and healed as well. (But to be honest, I don’t like to think about him! If it was up to me, he wouldn’t have that chance. Thankfully for him, it’s not up to me!)

My own story is not one of peace and tranquility. My childhood saw a variety of evils and chronic suffering that resulted in my attempt to find escape through suicide attempts and cutting. Suicidal thoughts were my default whenever things went wrong, even as an adult. I had two breakdowns, two stints in the psych ward, until I could stabilize. My daughter suffered an accident that left her severely disabled. People who know me and my family know that I’m not speaking Christian clichés here. I’ve lived what that girl in Haiti is experiencing, and I can attest unequivocally that I have been healed!

Because of my own experience, I can truly say that healing is possible, and that Jesus will provide that healing. But there was a cost to me. I had to give up my anger and pain and sense of identity as a victim. I had to accept that I could have a different identity in Him, and give over who I believed I was to see what He'd do with it. It's hard to let go of what you know, what you're comfortable with (even if what’s comfortable is awful!) because you don't know what there might be to replace it. So stepping out and trusting Jesus feels dangerous and brings with it great insecurity. That’s something many Christians don’t get, I’m sure. Everyone says ‘Trust in the Lord! He is your strength!” But the idea of trusting Him when you are a barely holding yourself together in your state of vulnerability and fragility… yeah, that’s difficult.

What began my healing was to take Jesus at His word. He says, “Come to me”, so I did. I started by having daily frank discussions with Him - a good start, but not enough to heal.

The next, and more difficult step was to began to have the willingness to listen to His response. Sometimes I was rather embarrassed by what He was impressing on me. Sometimes I was downright ashamed and I’d push the concepts away for months at a time before I was willing to entertain them. Often His answers to my emotional and spiritual 'whys' came from way out in left field. I had to really think about them, since they'd never crossed my mind before.

That's when healing began to take place. He gave me NEW thoughts, NEW understandings that no human had ever been able to give me, and they were so very personal to me, to my story, to how I’d been damaged, to what I needed to understand, that no human could ever have provided that help and insight - only someone Who knew me as intimately as my Lord Jesus. And always, ALWAYS His understandings were laid on my heart with love.

This is the prayer I began with, to start this change within me.

Psalm 139:23-24
23 Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
24 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

May the Lord speak to all our hearts in the way that He knows is right for each of us.